violence
September 2006 
what can we read in violence?
Posted on Sep 7th, 2006
by 
Casandra
Casandra
Last weekend I was offered to become violent. And I did -
On Friday a man followed me and a friend of mine till we reached our house. I got scared; I pulled out the pepper spray and started yelling at him till he left.
On Saturday my (same) friend got hit in the face with a ball and I defended her by throwing myself at one of the youngsters who had hit her. I twisted his arm behind and insulted him.
Later I thinking in shock and amazement about my ability to fight on the street. I had never had this image of myself – I am a lady in her 30s, have a good education and a well established image of myself in from of myself and my friends. Have never been involved in street fights, have never have taken fight classes.
Probably not a coincidence, the same weekend I was taking a gestalt course, so I used the opportunity to work on my impulsivity. I found out that usually violence occurs when you don’t have the necessary resources to affirm yourself. Violence comes out from the frustration that things don’t come out your way and when you need to control things. A good lesson for me – I am aware I have all the resources in the world to position myself in the world by peaceful means and I also learn, once more, that I don’t need to control everything in my life. However, I realize sometimes I doubt I am so strong and other times I also forget about going with the flow, letting myself go. These are also the times when I become skeptical and critical to myself. Most probably, these are the times when violence appears in my life, in a mild or powerful form.
A change has produced in me after the course. I am now a witness and I see all over the city subtle provocations that are inviting to anger and violence: the laundry woman destroys my suit, the teenager in the park is threatening a mother and her child, a crazy driver nearly runs me over on the pedestrian way, a gypsy teenager starts harassing me on the street.
This time I don’t respond, I chose not to become angry – or, if I become angry, I become aware of it immediately and I calm down. I explain calmly to the laundry woman what she can do for not destroying my clothes when I bring them over, I don’t shout to the crazy drivers, I give a firm, yet not aggressive look to the teenager and I tell him in a calm voice to take his hands off. He apologizes. I keep myself calm.
And I wonder – am I given these recent episodes so that my new adopted – calm – behavior is tested, or maybe this violence has always been there and I never had the eyes to look at it from a different – calm - perspective?
On Friday a man followed me and a friend of mine till we reached our house. I got scared; I pulled out the pepper spray and started yelling at him till he left.
On Saturday my (same) friend got hit in the face with a ball and I defended her by throwing myself at one of the youngsters who had hit her. I twisted his arm behind and insulted him.
Later I thinking in shock and amazement about my ability to fight on the street. I had never had this image of myself – I am a lady in her 30s, have a good education and a well established image of myself in from of myself and my friends. Have never been involved in street fights, have never have taken fight classes.
Probably not a coincidence, the same weekend I was taking a gestalt course, so I used the opportunity to work on my impulsivity. I found out that usually violence occurs when you don’t have the necessary resources to affirm yourself. Violence comes out from the frustration that things don’t come out your way and when you need to control things. A good lesson for me – I am aware I have all the resources in the world to position myself in the world by peaceful means and I also learn, once more, that I don’t need to control everything in my life. However, I realize sometimes I doubt I am so strong and other times I also forget about going with the flow, letting myself go. These are also the times when I become skeptical and critical to myself. Most probably, these are the times when violence appears in my life, in a mild or powerful form.
A change has produced in me after the course. I am now a witness and I see all over the city subtle provocations that are inviting to anger and violence: the laundry woman destroys my suit, the teenager in the park is threatening a mother and her child, a crazy driver nearly runs me over on the pedestrian way, a gypsy teenager starts harassing me on the street.
This time I don’t respond, I chose not to become angry – or, if I become angry, I become aware of it immediately and I calm down. I explain calmly to the laundry woman what she can do for not destroying my clothes when I bring them over, I don’t shout to the crazy drivers, I give a firm, yet not aggressive look to the teenager and I tell him in a calm voice to take his hands off. He apologizes. I keep myself calm.
And I wonder – am I given these recent episodes so that my new adopted – calm – behavior is tested, or maybe this violence has always been there and I never had the eyes to look at it from a different – calm - perspective?
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